Picture a baby in a highchair at a restaurant surrounded by family. Most likely it is covered with food. There are peas on the floor, sweet potatoes in the baby's hair and every crevasse is filled with pre-molar puree. The floor has been made to resemble Jackson Pollock's canvases and the waitstaff if prepping a bucket and wash rags to clean up after you leave. Baby has eaten the meal while probably squirming around and grabbing handfuls of food and shoveling it in his face.
Now picture a baby sitting relatively still and focusing his energy on using his fork to carefully grab one bite of food at a time and place it in his mouth. No mess, no fussing, no water hose needed to clean up afterwards.
Isn't that better?
Do you ever get tired of mopping the kitchen floor, wiping down the table, or sanitizing the high chair for the zillionth time? I sure did. I figured there had to be something better but I wasn't sure how to get to that better place. I knew that at some point that children use forks and knives. While I figured that Americans are a little slow to give children knives, I think that most of that is just an issue of culture and maturity. (I won't exactly be letting my little man run wild with a cleaver any time soon but supervised time at the table with a butter knife is a good way to start.) So I got to thinking, if I am going to be raising an adventurous, joyful eater, shouldn't I be raising a child with table manners?
I thought so. Makes sense, doesn't it?
First step in changing the table manners of my child was cutting out the finger foods. People have mentioned that Cheerios and other small crackers are good for kids because it teaches them hand-eye coordination and other fine motor skills. That sounds really great but I am positive that my child is learning these things in so many other ways during his play that I don't feel as though he will be handicapped by not grabbing for oaty-Os with his bratwurst fingers. We implemented the first stage of our plan to transition our child from caveman to little gentleman by setting limits on his dinner table dance offs.
Step 1: Set boundaries. Outline your goals and plans to accomplish them. Our goal is to have a healthy child who can sit at the table and feed himself (mostly) without sullying his clothes and the floor. Once you know your goals, it is easier to maintain the gentle but firm hand to guide him on the right path. We began by placing the plate in front of him and making sure that he doesn't reach for it. A little patience will pay off big time for him. In our son's case we need to be especially careful about him grabbing food that will make him sick. We hope to instill food restraint so he has fewer sick days in his future.
Step 2: Eat like a gentleman and not like a baby which starts with the parents. Our children are capable of so much more if we only set an expectation. Without that expectation, what reason do they have to achieve? Our western society works in a really backwards way when it comes to child development. We tell kids to make messes, eat with their hands, smash food, smash the cake etc. At some magical moment in time when they are old enough to start talking back, we turn the tables on them and demand they stop acting like a child. Well, we trained them to think that what they were doing was correct. How about a little gentle education from the start. My son is great about watching what others do. Most children love to mimic older kids and adults. Setting a good example comes from the parents modeling the behavior they want their child to develop. If you don't want your child doing something, don't do it in front of them and correct their behavior before it becomes habit.
Step 3: Set the table and make a routine. When you do something enough times it becomes routine. That can work against you or in your favor. I like to make a routine of setting the table and eating consciously. I found that I had been rushing through meals in typical motherly fashion and I was missing out on all the great moments and tasty treats I had prepared for my family. Now I cook the food while listening music. This is our dancing in the kitchen time. Once the food is near ready I set the table. After the table is set, the babe gets placed in his throne and I serve the plates and drinks. Once we are all ready I practice making my son wait a moment for his food. He almost always tries to grab the plate and shovel everything in his face.This little moment of waiting is good for him. Hopefully learning to wait will pay off with toys and other trips later. At some point we say "let's eat" and serve the food. I try to cut up all of my son's food with a knife and not just pull it with fingers. I help him load his fork and turn it towards his face. He has become rather adept at this himself and managed to clear a bowl of blueberries all by himself today. Each one adorable skewered on his fork and carefully transported into his mouth. He actually ate fewer this way because he had a moment to register that he was getting full. He used to just eat everything then make himself sick on the sweet fruits.
Step 4: Clean up. I make sure my son helps clean up. No running off right away. I want to make sure that he is a responsible member of the family. Sure he can't exactly do the dishes now but he can bring his plate to the sink or help me wipe the table. His wipe job certainly leaves something to be desired but he helps which is the most important part. Progress is one step at a time.
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| A loves peaches and apples. If you don't keep your eye on him he will snatch all the fruit from the bowl and eat it while you aren't looking. We have found him sitting in a puddle of peach juice before with a big, sticky smile on his face. There are definitely worse problems in life then a baby who loves produce. |
Isn't that better?
Do you ever get tired of mopping the kitchen floor, wiping down the table, or sanitizing the high chair for the zillionth time? I sure did. I figured there had to be something better but I wasn't sure how to get to that better place. I knew that at some point that children use forks and knives. While I figured that Americans are a little slow to give children knives, I think that most of that is just an issue of culture and maturity. (I won't exactly be letting my little man run wild with a cleaver any time soon but supervised time at the table with a butter knife is a good way to start.) So I got to thinking, if I am going to be raising an adventurous, joyful eater, shouldn't I be raising a child with table manners?
I thought so. Makes sense, doesn't it?
First step in changing the table manners of my child was cutting out the finger foods. People have mentioned that Cheerios and other small crackers are good for kids because it teaches them hand-eye coordination and other fine motor skills. That sounds really great but I am positive that my child is learning these things in so many other ways during his play that I don't feel as though he will be handicapped by not grabbing for oaty-Os with his bratwurst fingers. We implemented the first stage of our plan to transition our child from caveman to little gentleman by setting limits on his dinner table dance offs.
Step 1: Set boundaries. Outline your goals and plans to accomplish them. Our goal is to have a healthy child who can sit at the table and feed himself (mostly) without sullying his clothes and the floor. Once you know your goals, it is easier to maintain the gentle but firm hand to guide him on the right path. We began by placing the plate in front of him and making sure that he doesn't reach for it. A little patience will pay off big time for him. In our son's case we need to be especially careful about him grabbing food that will make him sick. We hope to instill food restraint so he has fewer sick days in his future.
Step 2: Eat like a gentleman and not like a baby which starts with the parents. Our children are capable of so much more if we only set an expectation. Without that expectation, what reason do they have to achieve? Our western society works in a really backwards way when it comes to child development. We tell kids to make messes, eat with their hands, smash food, smash the cake etc. At some magical moment in time when they are old enough to start talking back, we turn the tables on them and demand they stop acting like a child. Well, we trained them to think that what they were doing was correct. How about a little gentle education from the start. My son is great about watching what others do. Most children love to mimic older kids and adults. Setting a good example comes from the parents modeling the behavior they want their child to develop. If you don't want your child doing something, don't do it in front of them and correct their behavior before it becomes habit.
Step 3: Set the table and make a routine. When you do something enough times it becomes routine. That can work against you or in your favor. I like to make a routine of setting the table and eating consciously. I found that I had been rushing through meals in typical motherly fashion and I was missing out on all the great moments and tasty treats I had prepared for my family. Now I cook the food while listening music. This is our dancing in the kitchen time. Once the food is near ready I set the table. After the table is set, the babe gets placed in his throne and I serve the plates and drinks. Once we are all ready I practice making my son wait a moment for his food. He almost always tries to grab the plate and shovel everything in his face.This little moment of waiting is good for him. Hopefully learning to wait will pay off with toys and other trips later. At some point we say "let's eat" and serve the food. I try to cut up all of my son's food with a knife and not just pull it with fingers. I help him load his fork and turn it towards his face. He has become rather adept at this himself and managed to clear a bowl of blueberries all by himself today. Each one adorable skewered on his fork and carefully transported into his mouth. He actually ate fewer this way because he had a moment to register that he was getting full. He used to just eat everything then make himself sick on the sweet fruits.
Step 4: Clean up. I make sure my son helps clean up. No running off right away. I want to make sure that he is a responsible member of the family. Sure he can't exactly do the dishes now but he can bring his plate to the sink or help me wipe the table. His wipe job certainly leaves something to be desired but he helps which is the most important part. Progress is one step at a time.
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