Table manners for toddlers

This was our first time using our ToGo Ware lunch box.
We were very happy about not having to also pack bowls. 

I often receive down faces when we explain our diet to people. They seem to be sad that we can't have all the "amazing" foods that they have. Usually they go on about how they couldn't live without bread,  or would die without cupcakes or corn on the cob.  I have began to feel sorry for these people. The pic above is why. My husband and I took our son to the zoo for his first birthday. Knowing that the zoo would not have any food that we could safely eat, I packed a lunch for us. We dined on a chicken that I had thrown in the slow cooker the night before with a slice of my homemade moroccan preserved lemons shredded over lettuce with bell peppers, hard boiled eggs, local peaches, cantaloupe and blueberries. It was a summer produce extravaganza. I felt sorry for the rest of the park goers because they were all eating hot dogs at the "restaurants" while we sat by the lake surrounded by uncaged nature. We also saved about $30. Not bad. 

In an earlier post I stated that I wasn't really looking forward to my son's first birthday because it has been a really stressful welcome to parenthood. Now that the big day has finally arrived I realize that I wasn't as much as a Debbie Downer as I had assumed I would be. I was actually excited. Not Pinterest worthy party excited, but happy nonetheless. To celebrate the achievement (and it is an achievement) of not accidently killing our child in a whole year, we feasted on mini-meatloaves and wore party hats. This mini-feast aroused some sadness by friends who felt our son was missing out on what is apparently a very American rite of passage: the cake smash. 

Where do I even begin with the cake smash? Let us start with why everybody is doing it. Everybody does it because supposedly "everybody" does it. Or so the internet and clever photographers would have us believe. While alluring as it may be, the thought of making a gluten/dairy/soy free baked good for the sole purpose of having my kid smash it into his face for a photo op makes me cringe. I love my camera and my kid is pretty much the only thing I shoot nowadays. That does not mean that I must throw a party that is themed for a child who is happy to make dirt angels and still sleeps in bed with his parents. While I do believe in celebrating his big day I also feel like since kids can't understand that one day is different from another, teaching them to be destructive at the dinner table is setting yourself up for failure. Maybe it is just me. 

So how did we jubilate on this joyous occasion? My husband and I recycled the paper ring banner a friend made for his baby shower and hung it around the kitchen. I made a party hat that he can wear for years to come and put a candle in his meatloaf. I just couldn't make a baked good that he may or may not have a food issue with just for the sake of a photo op. Alton seemed pretty darn happy with his little party. There were even kazoos in the afternoon and new toy trucks.

My other issue with the whole cake smash thing goes to an issue that I have with North Americans in general. Why do we teach our children to eat like animals? I often feel like we have the parent child relationship backwards. Before anyone says to me that I am a new parent and I don't know better yet or that some battles you just have to walk away from to win the war, let me explain this. Kids don't direct their lives, parents do. I am often shocked to hear parents at the park offering their kids choices about food or what to do then complaining that they changed their minds or are fussy. Kids don't know what they want. My superb mother-in-law gave me the best piece of parenting advice. Don't ask your kids what they want. They don't know. You tell them what they are going to have. I have taken this advice and ran with it. While I sometimes have to offer my son food a few times before he takes it as a good thing and not poison, he always comes around. I don't go food item to food item offering him choices and waiting for him to pick what he would like. I am not a personal chef to a 31" dictator. I am the parent and I know what is best for my child. That also means that food manners are next on the list of what we are going to tackle. 

Back to my general disgust of the North American parenting. I am often asked how I convince my kid to eat such a varied diet. I don't convince him. I don't think I would know how to convince a baby (I suppose he is a toddler now) to do anything. I set an example with my diet and we eat the same things. If I wouldn't feed it to my child, I shouldn't be eating it.  The opposite is also true. If you wouldn't eat it, why would your kid? I don't make my child eat smashed peas daily and I would hate to have a diet that consisted of buttered toast, aquatic crackers, boxed cheese pasta and pizza every day. It is no wonder children eat very few items. Their palate is trained to think that these flavors and textures are normal and that other foods are strange. My child ate scallops, zucchini, bell peppers and roasted beets for supper. Now tell me that isn't better than boxed mac? So what is my big complaint? We have a viscious cycle at the dinner table in America. It goes something like this: 

Baby sat in chair with bib. Food is placed in a bowl on the tray or just on the tray. Baby gets to rub food all over and learn how to pick things up with his fingers. (Supposedly this teaches coordination and other fancy tricks.) Inevitably this food gets in the hair, on the clothes, across the table and all over the floor. Baby also spits food out and makes faces while kicking legs or doing other athletic endeavors. In the end, as long as the baby ate something the parents are satisfied and the baby is wiped down. Mom then gets to spend 10 minutes removing food from junior and the floor. This is far too common. 

The other big rub is all the between meal snacking. Crackers between meals. Crackers to quiet. Crackers if sad. Crackers when happy. Crackers. Crackers. Crackers. Crackers in purses. Trusty fishes to the rescue. 

Enough already. How hard is it to simply feed your child the food that has been cut up? Stop their legs from swinging, avoid fingers in the bowl and eat a variety? If I can do it, anyone can. The kitchen is where we spend the most amount of time every day. Sure we do so many other things with out day but every single day we practice our manners at the table.   I had forgotten how important this was until I saw my child throwing food and was mortified. I had let slip one of the most important roles I have as a parent. Teaching. The food experience is an education for life. Not only will what my child eats matter but how he eats it also matters. If my child can tell me the name of all of the produce in the market and knows what it tastes like, I will consider myself a successful parent. Furthermore, when he can go to dinner at a restaurant and people won't suspect a child is in the room, we will have success. This is not anything crazy or far fetched. Children all over the world live this way. Why don't we? It is not snobbery on their part but lack of care on ours. What good reason do we have for not setting expectations for our children? Are we that lazy or selfish with our efforts? 

Harsh? I think not. We need the wake up call. I am so grateful to my son for getting me away from the cracker mafia. Were it not for his gluten intolerance, we would have never made it this far into the primal lifestyle. I am grateful for the paleo and primal communities and their wonderful nutrition research. Most of all, I am grateful for the global community of parents that can share their advice and lifestyle choices so that we can all learn from each other. 

As a side note, I noticed that my manners had gone by the wayside along with my child's. As I let slip the little things like using a napkin or sitting properly, I found myself using my hands more and more to eat. When we finally went out to eat, I had to stop myself from eating in a rush and grabbing across the table like a child. Looks like mom needs a little refresher course in table manners along with baby. 

I have been reading French Kids Eat Everything by Karen Le Billon. She does a great job explaining the French system of nutrition education. Similar to Le Billon's book, Bringing Up Bebe is actually a fun and educational read. While many roll their eyes about how people love to love the French everything, read before judging and think logically. There is something to it. The French really do have a healthier lifestyle that we can all learn a little from. Bon Appétit!